Often when I meet with clients in my life coaching and hypnotherapy practice, they have reached what I describe as ‘their turning point”. They may have been struggling with an issue for years, trundling along and hoping for something to change. They have learned to endure this issue, believing, and convincing themselves that it will change naturally.
However, their turning point is that moment of realisation that they need help. There is that moment in all our lives when we come to understand that we need to change and that we cannot change alone. For some it is an ‘epiphany’ moment. Suddenly, the things that they have been accepting for so long become overwhelmingly unacceptable. Perhaps things move up to the next level and they sense that they are in a dangerous zone. Perhaps it is that sense that they have paused and are stuck, without any clue as to how to move forwards. Whatever leads them to pick up the phone, I can guarantee that the courageous act of reaching out for help, is the very step that will begin the process of change in their lives.
Another common thing that I have noticed in my clients is that they lack a sense of congruence. Their desires are not mirrored in their actions. Their actions are not echoing their beliefs. By creating a dissonance between what they want and what they do, they are sabotaging the chance to make significant changes in their lives. They are creating their own hurdle.
Out subconscious mind seeks congruence. It seeks a mirroring between belief, thought, word and action. When faced with a lack of congruence, our subconscious will shift back to what it thinks it knows. It will fall back on our old beliefs and keep acting on those beliefs, even if those beliefs lead to ways of acting and speaking that are in our own way!
To get out of your own way, and get your subconscious working for us in a positive sense, the key is to create congruence. But how can you do this? It is not enough to say one thing but believe another. It is not enough to desire something but act in a way that creates the opposite. What we believe, we think. What we think, we speak. And what we speak, we do.
As a life coach and hypnotherapist, I teach my clients to take a two pronged approach. I coach their actions and hypnotise their beliefs. I go from the outside in and from the inside out. So how can you create congruence in your life?
- Begin to analyse your own desires. What do you deeply desire? Reject all those things that you think you should desire and focus on what you actually want. You may be surprised at the results. Accessing your true desires will give you a superfast route to creating positive changes in your life that feel effortless and fun.
- Think about the messages that you are telling yourself. If you tell yourself that you are stuck, then you are indeed stuck. Begin to think about how you can start to tell yourself a new story. Perhaps you are not ‘stuck’, perhaps you are ‘pausing on the cusp of change’?
- Think about the beliefs that you have about your own ability to change. I had a client who told herself that she was indecisive and a procrastinator. Sure enough, she believed this so utterly that she had created an image of herself as indecisive. She procrastinated because she believed this was how she was. I used to be the same. I told myself that I was a lazy person who never finished things. When I started to unravel that belief and stack evidence for myself to the contrary, I began to believe that actually I wasn’t lazy. Believing that led me to become more decisive about my actions and I began believe that I was far more productive that I gave myself credit for.
- Build up evidence that disproves that negative belief. If you think you are incapable of making decisions, create a list of all the decisions that you have made in the past week alone. What to wear in the morning? What to eat for your lunch? What to read? Who to call? You will find that your actions don’t necessarily confirm your beliefs. This list will show the ways that you are acting incongruently with your beliefs.
- Begin to find different ways of expressing your beliefs. Hypnosis works by creating new suggestions in your subconscious and changing the way that you interpret your reality. Perhaps int he past you told yourself that you were lacking in clarity? Begin to rephrase that as “I am someone who seeks clarity because I am a deep thinker and I believe that the answer is out there for me”
And finally, the key to changing is acting “as if” change is already occurring. Picking up the phone and seeking help is the act of someone who is already beginning to change. Seeking help is an action. It shows that yo believe that change is possible and probable and that you are the kind of person who does what it takes to make things better. Seeking help shows self belief and courage. It shows that your ‘turning point’ is already behind you. You are already changing. Bravo!
How have you created change in your life in the past? What areas of your life have you noticed are incongruent with the vision that you have for your ideal life? What was your personal turning point? I’d love to know. Post a comment below – I love hearing about how others have created change in their lives!
And if you are serious about change, why not download “My Glorious Workbook of Change” It’s a free download and is a thirty page workbook packed full of exercises to help you begin to drill down into how to make changes in your life. I am also excited about my forthcoming book “Change Your Life From the Inside Out”. Launching in May, this book gives you all the training you need to create massive changes in your life, all packed within a 28 day programme. I can’t wait to share it with you. If you want to be amongst the first to know about the book and have access to some great bonus products, sign up here and I will let you know when I launch!
Oh, and have a beautiful day. You deserve it!
Filed under: Change, Coaching, Hypnotherapy, subconscious, transformation Tagged: creating change, get started, hypnotherapy, life shift
